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Author:
Peter S. Freedman
Peter Freedman a comedian, writer and director living in Los Angeles.
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Peter Freedman a comedian, writer and director living in Los Angeles. Born in Brooklyn, Peter early on showed great promise graduating from Wesleyan University with honors in political philosophy and economics only to break his parents’ hearts by moving to New York City to write and perform in comedy theater groups. Later in Los Angeles, Peter wrote and produced for network television sitcoms as well as writing and directing several short films including the award winning BAD DOG. In his spare time, Peter enjoys being a Jewish carpenter for which he was recently awarded several patents for a new type of furniture engineering. Peter currently lives in Los Angeles where at this moment he’s probably blowing his stack at something or other.
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THERE WILL BE BLOOD?
Porn films never get compared to “Citizen Kane.” This is because, first of all, “Citizen Kane” has a plot, which porn films don't. Porn plots usually revolve around a cliched male protagonist strutting and thrusting his way through a series of preposterous situations chosen simply because they highlight the actor’s impressive talent for strutting and thrusting. In addition, porn films, unlike “Citizen Kane,” have little in the way of dialogue or character logic thereby making their flimsy stories even harder to follow. Endings are especially confusing because without story or character logic, there’s not much to resolve. Most often, porn films just simply stop, as if the film makers had suddenly run out of film. Of course, on the other hand, if you've taken the time to watch a porn film all the way to the very end, you've obviously missed the point of watching a porn film in the first place.
In other words, porn films are not supposed to make you think of “Citizen Kane.” They're supposed to make you think about sex. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with thinking about sex. It feels nice. And like smelling a batch of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, it makes you hungry for the real thing. But it’s not the real thing. It’s a porn film. And usually, people understand the difference.
But not always. Recently, otherwise respectable movie critics, film festivals and members of the Academy have sat through Paul Thomas Anderson’s “There Will Be Blood” and actually had thoughts of “Citizen Kane” when what they should've said was, “Wow, what a great porn film.” Seriously, Daniel Day-Lewis is huge! His strutting, thrusting Daniel Plainview is an undeniably mesmerizing creation who’s been costumed, shot and musically supported in a way sumptuously reminiscent of other famously huge film characters. Welles in “Kane.” John Wayne in “The Searchers” and “Red River.” John Huston in “Chinatown.” Heck, Day-Lewis even sounds like Huston. Also included are a Model T Ford tracking shot from “Days of Heaven,” Bogart’s campfire crazy face from “Treasure of Sierra Madre” and, as a bonus, Plainview kills someone with an antique American bowling pin. I mean, is my American Film Institute screening pass totally erect or what? And if a movie feels this important, it must be important, right?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. “There Will Be Blood” is a thin illogical ramble about a greedy man who drills for oil and occasionally hugs a young boy. It's a trailer for a movie that never got made. It's a travelogue of emotional images intended to make you feel huge. In other words, it’s a porn film. That’s all. And if you think otherwise, I'm sure you'll have answers to some of the following questions:
What is up with that ending? Preacher Eli Sunday (who may or may not have a meaningless identical twin brother named Paul) is a financial failure throughout the film succeeding only as a local kook with a following of a dozen townsfolk and a talent for annoying oil man Plainview. After not speaking to Plainview for fifteen years, he shows up to find Plainview lying on the floor of his bowling alley eating a pork chop which causes Plainview to become so angry he bashes him in the head with a bowling pin. Seriously? Why? Because Eli reminded Plainview of his son’s accident? You mean, this whole movie is about a man’s regret for not providing better drilling site daycare? But, Plainview was a greedy nut before the accident. His instincts as a father went no further than using his son as a prop at business meetings which is why, when the boy’s deafness got too annoying, he stuck him on a train bound for the big city. So the point of the film is that single parent oil men make bad fathers? But wouldn't any caring parent relocate their injured child to a real city to receive proper care? So maybe the point is that oil men without family nearby get lonely which explains why Plainview goes swimming with a man pretending to be his brother. But later, in church, Eli accuses Plainview of “abandoning his son” causing Plainview to cry which I guess means the point of the film is that big cities do not, in fact, offer better care for hearing impaired children. Of course, Eli also accuses Plainview of “lusting after women” although at no point in the entire movie does Plainview ever actually speak to a woman so maybe the point is that rich lonely oil men are secretly gay.
In fact, I believe you “Blood” fans would tell me the point of the film is that “money doesn't buy happiness” which is exactly the same as what “Citizen Kane” is about, right?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. “Kane” is about America and about our history of huge ferocious men who through tenacious vision and unbridled self-interest built a civilization out of the wilderness, men who were predators who took on the mantle of providers, men who were legends both worshiped for their strength and pitied for the human frailties that ultimately undo them. This is called tragedy. It has a point. And to make this point, a film must tell a story. With an end. For example, it is only at the end of “Chinatown” that we fully understand how it took a monster to accomplish the monstrous task of bringing water to Los Angeles. It is only at the end of “The Searchers” that we see how a man vicious enough to rescue his family from savages is also too vicious to enter the home he has made safe. And it is only at the end of “Kane” that we learn the name of a child’s sled. What makes “Blood” end? Daniel Day-Lewis says “I'm finished” and the camera runs out of film.
Maybe this is all the fault of Reality TV. Or a media fetish for celebrity misbehavior. Or the fact that we went to war against the wrong country in response to the events of September 11th. Maybe things aren't supposed to have a point anymore. Maybe now all we ask for are juicy moments of attractive people in provocative situations. In other words, porn. Come to think of it, Paul Thomas Anderson made a really entertaining movie about porn. As I recall, it told a good story and, in the end, made a very worthwhile point: be proud of your big dick but don't get a swelled head. I couldn't agree more.
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